Watching someone you love struggle with addiction is never easy. However, as much as you fear for and care for your loved one, it’s also important to consider how their addiction is affecting you. Substance use disorder is recognized as a family disease. No one in the home is immune to its effects. Many families of addicts deal with elevated levels of anxiety and depression, self-doubt, guilt, and grief. 

The good news is that you can stop beating yourself up emotionally. Not only is your loved one’s addiction not your fault, but it’s also not helpful for addicts to be surrounded by people who blame themselves for their mistakes. Overcoming the impact that addiction has had on your life is a complex process. This is why many family members of addicts are encouraged to learn more about the nature of addiction and to seek counseling for themselves.

Are You Responsible for Your Loved One’s Addiction?

Whether you’re the parent or the sibling of an addicted person, you may be holding yourself accountable for actions and developments that really aren’t your fault. Many people don’t really understand what addiction is. They often equate it with laziness, insufficient willpower, and poor decision-making. In reality, addiction is a complex mental health issue that affects the brain and its chemistry. Although anyone can develop substance use disorder, some people are more predisposed to it. Addiction is made more likely by factors such as:

• Having one or more family members with substance use disorder
• Undiagnosed and untreated mental health disorders (Co-occurring disorders)
• Recent or past trauma
• Unprocessed emotions like guilt or grief
• Low self-esteem

While family members can be contributing factors to a person’s addiction, holding yourself responsible isn’t helpful to your loved one now. Whether there’s been trauma, financial instability, or negative behavioral conditioning in your home, the only way to help an addicted family member is by seeking help for yourself. Before you can be a reliable source of support on your loved one’s road to recovery, you have to undo the ravages that addiction has had on your own mental health. You also have to give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Family members of addicts have a strong tendency to put the well-being of their loved ones before their own.

For an addict to succeed in recovery, they have to learn how to value and prioritize themselves too. More often than not, learning to put themselves first only comes when they recognize the harmful effects of putting themselves last. This is a realization that they cannot reach when they’re constantly surrounded by enablers, and when they’re free to repeat their mistakes without consequence. 

Are You Enabling Addiction?

Enabling is often born of a desire to prevent the circumstances of someone you care about from worsening. For instance, enabling family members often pass out money for drugs or alcohol when addicts can no longer support their own addictions. They do so because they know that addicts will stop at virtually nothing to obtain their substance of choice. Handing out cash is usually easier than worrying about whether your family member will come to physical harm, go to jail, or even die if you don’t. Enablers also cover up the mistakes that addicts make so that they don’t lose their jobs, don’t lose their licenses, or don’t experience any of the other consequences that their actions would otherwise create.

The difference between helping and enabling a loved one is that helping is doing something for someone who cannot do it for themselves. Enabling is doing things for people that they’d be perfectly capable of handling on their own if they weren’t abusing substances. Learning this difference and refusing to cross the line between helping and enabling is one of the best things that you can do for an addicted family member.

What Other Roles Do Family Members Play in Addiction?

Not only is addiction a family disease, but each person in the home plays a unique role. In addition to enablers or caretakers,  there are:

• The scapegoat or someone who diverts attention from the addict through their own negative behaviors
• The mascot or comedian of the family uses humor to deflect and lower stress
• The lost child or the person who’s often overlooked in favor of the addict
• Heroes or overly responsible and self-sufficient people who are forced to fend for themselves

Addiction causes a host of problems for all of these people. It causes undue financial stress and creates an atmosphere of near-constant fear and confusion. It breaks trust, and it greatly increases the likelihood of physical and emotional abuse. Young children are especially addicted to an addict’s presence and behaviors. In fact, children of addicts are statistically more likely to develop an addiction themselves. They learn early on to use drugs and alcohol as coping tools for their pain.

How Can You Help Your Loved One and How Can You Help Yourself?

The best help that you can give your loved one is your refusal to enable their behavior any longer paired with options in treatment. Going to rehab is merely the start of addiction recovery. However, the right rehab program will build a solid foundation for long-term success in sobriety. Taking these steps refers to as loving detachment. You do not have to take your love away from the addict in your life. You merely need to eliminate your support for their unhealthy, self-harming behaviors.

Going to treatment will help your loved one develop:

• Healthier coping skills
• Higher levels of distress tolerance
• Improved stress management skills
• A solid relapse prevention plan

In rehab, patients also learn how to set feasible goals for establishing self-sufficiency and healthy, sustainable lifestyles.

As We Strengthen Families, We Strengthen Society

At Fairwinds Treatment Center, we believe that strengthening families strengthens society. That’s why we offer a diverse range of treatment options for those living with substance use disorder and reliable support and counseling for their families. If you’re ready to get your loved ones the help they need, get in touch with us today.